Monday, September 26, 2011


Fumbling for the right song on the iPhone that now functions as an iPod
Balancing the erratic dance I'm forced into by a four-legged partner

Arrogantly I trot around, meandering south towards the Forest floor
ignoring Life that surrounds me
She beckons, "Let go"
I laugh aloud and retort, "I have"
She asks, "Can you please listen to what..."
I raise the volume..."I love this John Mayer song!"

Guitar riffs and cymbals clash
Head bobbing, singing
Dog sniffing every branch, rock, bush, and stump
as if he would be filled with regret if one inch of Forest were missed
"Its so nice to get away and be alone!"
The music of Modernity attempts to drown out, block, numb me to the reality I avoid seeing myself in

I pass the ghostly hollows of the old oak
the lifeless limbs that hang overhead, eerily reaching towards me
as if trying to pluck me up out of the monotony
I stop dead, rigid on the path,
dust consuming me

...Pause Button...

Eyes open, ears open, heart open
Crows Caa, Bees Buzz, Hawks Screech, Squirrels Bark
I suddenly realize, I'm not alone. 

I pause myself. I look around. Present.
The dangers of the green and red leaves scattered along the water's shoulder
are hypnotic in their dance with the wind
Dry branches are devoured by the silky green foliage of the twisted vines
A canopy above me, filled with life in the changing season
Foot prints
Animal Tracks
Bicycle Wheels
hidden, beneath the dirt encrusted around my shoes


I hear the brook and see that it twists and turns throughout the floor, 
as though begging not to be swallowed up by the Forest herself.
The maze of Oaks, elaborate and dense, cause me to ponder the similarities
between its weaving patterns
and the intricacies of Life, the complexity of being Human, and
one's constant struggle to push towards Acceptance. 

Amidst my quiet solitude and intense reflection
a Doe
symbol of gentleness, listening, grace, balance, freshness, new awakenings
crosses my path.
I acknowledge aloud her presence and feel grateful for the messenger of Light.
I reflect on how many times this day, this week, this month, this year
how easily I took advantage of life's simple pleasures
rather than admiring, respecting, and thanking.
I began to see my life, unfold in front of me, in this natural wonder

The dirt continues to flail around my face
Dog panting as I take in the spiritual awakenings being given
I stop in my track...
Pulled towards the towering Eucalyptus Tree 
that stands naked, vulnerable before me.

I ponder on its current state, as though I were in an art gallery.
I smell its fragrance...intoxicating.
Shards of bark lie twisted, broken, and shattered all around its stong stump
I notice the pale white skin under the warped and weathered rind
I remark, "You're being reborn. Stronger. More beautiful"
Imaging that somehow, hearing my voice
would allow him to gather the strength necessary
to suffer through the Winter
Two steps forward...then two back.
I face my comrade and realize that he and I are on the same path
Compelled that I too must prepare for a rebirth, reawakening, rediscovery

"I can't do this alone"
"You are not that special. Change is the only constant"
"The trees change, its leaves change, the brooks course changes, winds change, life changes"

I feel roused by the accutely loud lullaby of the crickets hidden beneath the brush
Their song is comforting in that moment.
I press forward...
The sound seems to follow me. Maybe I'm following the sound. 
The symphony of thought is created by the rise and fall of my chest, the pounding of my heart, the shuffle of my feet, the cling of dog tags, and natures orchestra accompanying me.

"Be the woman you've imagined yourself being"
"Be humble, be kinder, ask for forgiveness, give forgiveness, be kind to yourself, love deeper"
"I can do this. I choose to do this"

The seasons are changing, the first rain is approaching, cool air, winter's frigid snow
Life is changing, Life's healing rain will fall, broken, wounded, choosing to stand in the downpour
We are at one with each other
Together we change, Together we struggle, Unison
I ignored
But the Forest reminded me
That WE are one

...Press Play...

Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Invitation

Was reading through some old posts in a far off distant blog elsewhere...and I found this one to be worth re-publishing

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. 

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. 

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon, I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow. If you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear or further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance wtith wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. 

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true, I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. 

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!" 

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be dont to feed the children. 

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. 

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. 

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. 

-Oriah Mountain Dreamer 

Reason, Season, or a Lifetime

Today was one of mixed emotions....
Sadness, Happiness, Fear, Uncertainty, Love

Sadness because of lost friendships and connections that may tentatively been cut; Happiness that somehow Time or The Universe or God really knows what its doing - timing seems "perfect"; Fear that I'll end up in the same black oblivion of "unemployment" - a shame and embarrassment whose heavy weight never seemed to let up; Uncertainty of the future and its nervous opportunities; Love for people, of a place, and for many things.

A chapter of my life was quickly written and then the book was slammed shut. It seemed as though my life blazed right on through and now I fear the standstill that somehow manages to manifest itself. The old adage of "The Calm before the Storm" percolates in my mind.

I find myself reflecting upon an email that seems to coincide nicely with words from today: "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."

I am morose over the loss I have suffered today, but I think about the unique opportunity that this loss has provided me with. Without this loss, I would not be available to seek out a new and exciting enterprise: one that I have long put on hold. Without this loss, I would not be able to be caregiver to family, mother to a son, research assistant to a system, or a avid-hiker/health nut for my planned, but not yet created child.

The opportunities that lie in waiting are vast: a letter that conveniently shows up after being "lost," a letter that will allow for a transition for a big change, my new enterprise and the time necessary to see it manifest, time to prepare myself, mentally and physically, for the extremes that my body will go through for creating life, and space to reflect and appreciate the relationships I have made.

Whether you are in my life for a "REASON" a "SEASON" or a "LIFETIME" - I am thankful that you allowed me into your life. I am thankful that you heard and listened to me. I am thankful for the lessons you've taught me. I hope that I too, can function in your life as a "REASON" for a "SEASON" or last for a "LIFETIME"