Mind Games: Getting in the way of the process

At my laptop, I watch the cursor blink. I sense its mockery as I search in vain for something that will stir the heart. It seems to already hold the secret prose to which hasn’t even been created. It stares at me from that blank page, reading me better than any friend I have ever had. It sees me writhe in pain as I wait for that light bulb moment to satisfy me, for that flicker of wisdom to spill out on to the page with unbridled fury. It sees my desperation to keep that internal fire from being extinguished.

I punch the letters on a laptop and a code of black and white are set into motion. Perhaps my indiscriminate tapping will make magic, I jest to myself. A cacophony of keyboard clicks resonates off the walls, growing louder and louder. Push, go, propel forward so that the core is constantly churning. I feel it, like a symphony coming to its coda after its final aria. PAUSE.

I glance down to reveal the masterpiece: a blank page of spaces.

And yet I sat in silence, in a wildfire that was all consuming. I find myself at ease with the profound realization that my cursor has gifted me. I embrace the moment where there is nothing. When I am frozen. A time of ease and no worries. A time without retort or argument. A time without suspicion or judgment. A period of not knowing where I am headed, where that path might take me, or even if it that path was “right” or "wrong." It felt right, “right now.” 

There is something beautiful about a white canvas with a story yet to be told.

DNKG
 © Mind Games: 2014