Mind Games: Getting in the way of the process

At my laptop, I watch the cursor blink. I sense its mockery as I search in vain for something that will stir the heart. It seems to already hold the secret prose to which hasn’t even been created. It stares at me from that blank page, reading me better than any friend I have ever had. It sees me writhe in pain as I wait for that light bulb moment to satisfy me, for that flicker of wisdom to spill out on to the page with unbridled fury. It sees my desperation to keep that internal fire from being extinguished.

I punch the letters on a laptop and a code of black and white are set into motion. Perhaps my indiscriminate tapping will make magic, I jest to myself. A cacophony of keyboard clicks resonates off the walls, growing louder and louder. Push, go, propel forward so that the core is constantly churning. I feel it, like a symphony coming to its coda after its final aria. PAUSE.

I glance down to reveal the masterpiece: a blank page of spaces.

And yet I sat in silence, in a wildfire that was all consuming. I find myself at ease with the profound realization that my cursor has gifted me. I embrace the moment where there is nothing. When I am frozen. A time of ease and no worries. A time without retort or argument. A time without suspicion or judgment. A period of not knowing where I am headed, where that path might take me, or even if it that path was “right” or "wrong." It felt right, “right now.” 

There is something beautiful about a white canvas with a story yet to be told.

DNKG
 © Mind Games: 2014

Let Creation Set You Free: Poetry

Untitled

Vision of the past
swell inside her heart
the shadow of a broken dream
a life shattered,
imagined to have been perfection

a quivering lip and shaky hand
are the only visible signs
of scars left unspoken
perhaps its the revenge
that keeps her questioning
or perhaps its the atonement
that keeps her cold,
a poisonous house
in which none could grow.

standing alone in the dark lot
staring at the lights, enter the rain
her mind returns to that night
when eternity changed for her
she waits anxiously in the cab
legs shaking so rapidly
the rhythm annoyed

waiting, aching, scared, petrified
dark, dark and disgraced, she disappeared
the whispering glow and painted graffiti
were witness to her opprobrium;
shadows encroach on her
laugh at her doom
laugh at her future now destroyed
laugh at the choices she must make

Sullied was the fibrous essence
tainted in the Dogma of 2000 years
confused, conflicted by instinct
she sits on the curb
juggling...

emotions, thoughts, corporeal responses
he, in all his love for her, he
stoops along her side; embrace.
"Everything is going to be okay"
he whispers unassuredly
she lies, "I know"

weeks pass, the fatigue noticeable
her advisors and associates remark
performance is poor, "you're not yourself"
she witnesses change, he can see it to.
Afraid of excommunication, terrified of execution
paralyzed by the Present;
FROZEN
with no time to waste

Snow falls upon the roof. The world is quiet.
In her silence she waits
In his arms does she seek refuge
only to pull away
writhing on the floor, hiding her face from the pain
tears of self-loafing, relief, and despair fall in the carpet
her hands the only bloody witnesses to existence that withers away from her

Decades pass. Lives press forward. Recollections Fade. All but one.
In the recesses of the shadows of her lies a memory
branded on the most damaged part of her soul.
Shame. Embarrasment. Hate.
Years of guilt that cannot be unbound
She cannot save herself.
She is trapped in a cesspool, dying and re-dying everyday

Vision of the past
Bondage of time, being set free
meditations on the heart and mind
heal the clouds that darken the day
pink heart in hand with "love" it is written
a simple sigh and a tender phrase
repaired the damage from eons ago.

Death, demise, execution- Perish
She saved him
only to have him
save her
so that she could save him
again with her last dying breath.

He utters,
"Warrior Mother.
Never change your colors.
Until our next lifetime.
I love you"

DNKG

Untitled © 2014